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Recently, I have been resurrected back into my deepest truth, knowing and clarity—after a period of temporary immersion in illusions, romantic relationships, and self betrayal.
I was inspired to write this article after listening to a brilliant talk by an enlightened teacher whose mission on Earth was focused on the enlightenment of women, and was an advocate of the power of woman specifically. He taught and cultivated in his female students, the Solar Feminine:
"The solar feminine embodies yang energy, strength, passion, creativity, and action—qualities that have not been appreciated in females since the Matrilineal Era of some 6,000 years ago. The solar feminine is quite different from the lunar feminine, whose yin energy is gentle, receptive, and nurturing…the only type of femininity that has been acceptable throughout the Patriarchal Age. A woman's essence is power.
In the seventeen years I studied with him, my teacher's number one priority was the empowerment of his women students. During the eighties, he lectured on the topic nonstop. He said, "When an enlightened being finds himself in the physical world, in a specific time and place, he looks around and asks, 'What is the greatest need?' When I asked myself that question, the answer is obvious: the enlightenment of women. My teacher worked tirelessly throughout his teaching career for the enlightenment of women. He spent an enormous amount of time with his female students, coaching them on all aspects of their lives, everything from how to dress in order to empower themselves, to how to break through the glass ceiling in their careers. Not a single detail was left to chance. He was determined to help them take back their power.
Many years later, Celeste and others would refer to this brand of woman—the embodiment of strength, passion, creativity, and action—as the solar feminine. While many courageous women have bucked their patriarchal conditioning in the lunar feminine—pure yin energy which is gentle, receptive, and nurturing—to express the solar feminine in all walks of life, it has been all but lost as a spiritual archetype. One must go back to Kali, the Hindu Goddess of destruction, Pele, the Hawaiian fire Goddess, or Sekmet, the Egyptian Lioness Goddess, to find its remnants.
On the deepest level there is no difference between men and women. Each individual has a soul. Each individual contains Spirit within itself. The soul is neither masculine nor feminine. It is both. Yet in a particular lifetime, we manifest as one or the other gender."
- Lucia Rene, Unplugging the Patriarchy - A Mystical Journey into the Heart of a New Age
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After listening to Dr. Frederike Lenz's discourse on this topic, something was sparked alive within me. The remembrance and knowing that in this incarnation on Earth, I have come to embody this archetype strongly—since it's what's truly needed on this Earth at this time. It's so fiercely needed for women to awaken to the solar feminine flame at the center of their being. After all, it's exactly this fire and power that has been collectively contrained within women from the patriarchial age. There are such strong energetic conditionings within the collective feminine psyche that keep women from being in their full power. And one of the main ways that women lose their power, is through sexual relationships with men:
“The damage of the subtle physical body of a woman happen’s in different ways. Most of it is sexual. Most women lose their power in sexual relationships by being exposed to the lower sexual energies of men. Sexuality is not good nor bad, and depends on how you approach it. The unrefined masculine energy enters easily into a woman. Particularly during sex and during a sexual relationship. Women in relationships afix themselves more readily, very easily then men. When a woman is in love with a man, she thinks of him very often. And when she does psychically, she fixes herself to his consciousness. And whatever is in his consciousness will enter into her consciousness. And if there is destructive forces in a man’s consciousness, she then draws them into herself by attaching herself to a man that’s not highly developed; that still hasn’t worked those things out. They then come into her being, and while it may not destroy his spiritual potential, it has the possibility to destroy her spiritual potential. You can look at a woman and quickly ascertain how many relationships she has had and what they have been like by simply looking at her subtle physical body.
If your a woman and you are interested in enlightenment then its necessary to detach yourself from men until you become much stronger. This doesn’t mean you have to give up relationships and not be married, you can, but its just tricky. It’s important to not become emotionally wrapped up in a man.
Both women and men are powerful, but the strength of a man’s character is expressed through gentleness and through love, and ultimately through discrimination. It’s important for men to work on humility. For women, it’s Self Confidence. Its important for women to realize that power is your aspect, to be supportive of other women in their quest for liberation and for some time in a women’s life to step back from relationships. In your life you have gained your identity from the men in your life…because if men only see you in a certain way, they will fixate you. It’s like looking in a mirror and believing what you see…thinking that’s what you look like but with if the mirror is projecting an image and its really not you…so for most women when they look in the eyes of both men and women, and the image that is projected back, that a woman is psychically told to conform to is not really what she is…so its necessary to step back and be around women that are more supportive, or men who are supportive or enlightened persons…to discover what it means to be a woman…It’s not easy to know what it means to be a woman. You have to be commanding and assume your power. You need to avoid dressing that will attract lower sexual energy from men. We have to deal with the objective reality.
It’s important to be celibate for a while on the path of enlightenment…eventually returning to relationships or sexuality, yet with a sufficient detachment. And it won’t be sex anymore when you are together…it will be a giving, a pure self effacement, a pure transfer of energy…there won’t be any desire, no physical satisfaction and no personal self…won’t be harmful and your emotions won’t be wrapped up. Every action will be service and self giving.
Remember that we have tremendous power in our being and we can bring that into eternity. Harmonize yourself with eternity. Remember we are not a man or woman, we are both. Enter into the timeless, eternal life and light. Eternity teach me what it means to be a woman. Eventually you will become everything and nothing.”
-Dr. Frederike Lenz, Women - Men and Self Realization
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This talk by Dr. Frederike Lenz on Women - Men and Self Realization, really spoke to the truth within my own being. Women’s subtle physical body is pliable with light, and there are some relationships that can drain one’s energy and life force. I know, because I have been in such relationships that drained my energy; and I allowed that to happen. Not only did certain relationships with men drain my energy, but it also was a decent from living in the full embodiment of my Higher Self.
Introduction: My Story
After a 7 year period of experiencing a few relationships with men, I was fiercely awakened from my disillusionment last year. The intelligence and wisdom of Life came smashing into me, and my soul was screaming in rage after awakening from the dream I had allowed myself to fall into.
Between the ages of 14-19 years old, as a teenager, I was crystal clear. During this time period, I had a very strong intact connection to my Higher Self. I always knew what I had to do, and never experienced confusion, doubt or hesitation. Clarity dwelled and breathed in my Being. I knew myself. I never doubted myself. I trusted myself. And I was strongly anchored in my truth.
So you may ask, what happened the past 7 years? My soul decided to go on a wild journey of discovery. A journey into the realms of relationships and men. The games, maya and illusions of human relations and “love”. My soul said it was time to experience this humanness in all its facets. Little did I know, how challenged I would be to stay true to myself and deeply embodied as my Higher Self.
The years of high school
Here’s the ironic thing—I always knew clearly and strongly from the time I was 14 years old, that it was not in my highest service to have a boyfriend at a young age. My Higher Self told me that in order for me to grow into the woman I need to become in this lifetime, that I must not have a relationship with a boy during my teenage years. I strongly knew, from my Higher Self, that if I were to have a boyfriend in my teenage years it would take me off track. It would disempower me. I knew that I had to focus all my power, energy and focus on becoming the whole woman I needed to become in this incarnation, without being affected by a boy.
As a 14 year old in my first year of high school, I looked around at my peers who were dating, going on dates, having boyfriends and experimenting with sexual experiences. I observed something that most my age didn’t recognize, and that was how many girls who had boyfriends lost themselves in relationships. Instead of fully and pristinely growing into their own unique Self, untainted by any relationship or guy, they lost themselves in guys…in how they were perceived by those they were attracted to, and in changing who they were to be with guys. At this age, I witnessed this as a form of self betrayal. And I promised myself that I would never be like these girls. I promised myself that I would never betray myself.
How I now feel touched by my own innocent naivety. How strong, clear and centered I thought I was and could be…that I never could have imagined the maya, illusions and games of the world that were to come. My Higher Self says in this moment, “Honey, you were always strong, and yet, being on this Earth has been part of your initiations in remembering who you are. And in these initiations, they have been portals to awaken from the dream and come back to Reality. Often through severe self betrayal, which have been powerful awakenings.”
There was a strong inner knowing and voice within me, that knew that my natural maturation and soul embodiment process would be disrupted by being in a relationship. I knew that this process of becoming was one that needed to be held in a sacred container of aloneness. I sensed that like a monarch butterfly that dwells in the cocoon for some time, that I, like a butterfly needed to be alone in a cocoon of “singleness" in order to become the monarch butterfly I felt dwelling dormant within. It is incredible as I reflect back, how strong and clear this knowing was—that having a relationship as a teenager would impede the process of me becoming a powerful woman. I simply knew this inner truth, through direct gnosis.
Life would also support me in this chrysalis. I never met a guy that interested me while I was in high school. I had many guys that were attracted to me, but none that I was attracted to. This also had to do with my young body and ancient soul only interested in a soul connection, and most guys my age were only interested in my physical beauty. I knew they could not “see” me. They only could see as deep as they were in themselves.
Throughout high school, I never had a boyfriend and didn’t desire one. I was one of the only girls I knew in my school, that didn't have a boyfriend. I simply didn't need one. My Higher Self was guiding me strongly, and I focused all my time and energy on my studies, playing basketball competitively, doing yoga, meditation and time by myself in contemplation reading books on spirituality, and cultivating my Being. This protective energetic space I created for myself consciously was the fertile growing of the seeds of the woman I was to become in this lifetime.
When my friends were going to parties on the weekend and experimenting with alcohol, I chose to stay at home with my family and read, write and meditate. It didn’t interest me how most people my age lived in high school. I had no natural inclination to go to a party, to taste alcohol or do drugs. I always felt this intrinsic purity within, and knew that I was not going to ruin my body with alcohol and drugs.
I knew from a young age, that my body is holy and is the temple of my soul. Why would I destroy my body temple with alcohol and drugs? How could others my age do that? Why would anyone drink something that doesn’t nourish their Being? Why would anyone want to get drunk? How could being deluded and drunk truly make you more happy? I saw through all these illusions and games, and knew that they were only escape mechanisms. They were running from reality. They were not connected to their Higher Self in the same way I was consciously being guided by something greater then myself: Which I have always called, my "Higher Self”.
When other friends were embarrassed they didn’t have a boyfriend, I felt proud that I didn’t need a boyfriend in my life to complete me, since I felt whole within myself. I knew that everything I needed was already within me, and I lacked nothing. I was never lonely, even with always being single. I felt complete in myself. I often felt like an old woman, even when I was 14 years old. When friends were looking for a date for a school dance or prom, I fiercely and consciously chose to go by myself without a guy at my side. I appreciated my independence and sovereignty.
I remember feeling this sense of power of being All One in myself, and not lacking or needing somebody. I think because I saw so many girls my age feel insecure about being single, that something also within me rebelled against this conditioning. I chose what was true for me, instead of ever being conditioned to feel a certain way. It was like the normal realms of the paradigm I was placed in, didn’t have the power to control and subjugate me. The power of my soul, was stronger and clearer then the external world influence I felt. I knew that in order for me to deeply embody this true self integrity and strong rootedness in my soul, a boyfriend would not be conductive to this at this time.
The Transition From girl to woman
Another recollection that arises as I write, is the remembrance in high school of hearing girls call themselves "women". I remember seeing and knowing, that I was not a woman yet, and these girls who called themselves women were not yet fully embodying what it means to be a woman. When someone called me a woman, I would simply detest and say "I am not a woman, I am a girl". It didn't feel true in my being to call myself a woman, when at the age of 14-18 years old I still felt like a girl. I knew I was just a girl, and didn't resonate with the word "woman" at this time. It felt like a lie to say I was a woman, when I knew I was still a girl.
Somewhere in the depth and recesses of my soul and being I knew that the process of becoming a true woman is not something that just happens in adolescence. It's an initiatory process of coming into womanhood. We no longer have sacred initiations, rituals and rites of passage that mark this transition into womanhood as we once did in ancient times. Even in the years of being in university, I still didn't feel like a woman and knew I was still a girl. I would often inquire and contemplate, when would I be able to say I was truly a woman and no longer a girl?
It wasn't until I was 26 years old and had the guidance to step out and facilitate Sacred Women Circle's that I knew I reached the passage of womanhood, through going through a very arduous initiation (in which one day I will write about). I knew clearly and strongly, that I was no longer a girl and was embodying womanhood. I felt this ripening within my being, and this blossoming into initiated womanhood. I often spoke about what true authentic womanhood means in these circle's, and the difference between being an adolescent girl (where most of the population remains even throughout adulthood), and being able to say you are a woman.
Living in Europe: The year of freedom and youthfulness
Overall, I have never had a boyfriend or relationship while I have lived in Canada. Never. It wasn’t until I was 20 years old, living in Europe for the first time, and enjoying some aspect of being youthful, that I met someone that I was attracted to. By this time, I knew my period of cocooning in aloneness and True Self Emergence and Solidification was complete in some way—at least the most critical period for me fully becoming who I was supposed to be. They say the first 5 years of a child’s life is the most critical in their development, and I would say that the years of being a teenager and coming into adulthood are essential for the full blossoming of a Soul Embodied Human Being.
I am deeply grateful for the guidance and direct knowing from the connection of my Higher Self, that strongly told me to abstain from any relationship during these pivotal years of development. I also see in retrospect, how being single up until the age of 20 years old was one of the most crucial and essential preparations for the woman I was becoming, and am still in the process of becoming. It truly allowed for me to anchor deeply into my full Essential Being and Soul Embodiment, without having any attachments to distract this sacred alchemical inner process of maturation.
The experience of my first boyfriend and self betrayal
Now it was time for the games of love, men, boyfriends and relationships to take me by the feet. It started when I was 20 years old in Germany for the first time, the only year of my life that I ever felt like a young person. It was the only year of my life that my Higher Self told me to enjoy being young, experiment and play, because I had a very strong mission I would need to do in the future and this was the year to enjoy being “young”. I had my first boyfriend, who I was strongly physically attracted to and felt a natural connection with. He was very classy, had a European flair, dressed well, well groomed and came from a family where everyone was either judges or lawyers.
I was attracted to him and loved him, yet he didn’t have the same depth and spiritual awareness that I was embodying. Spirituality was taboo for him, and he laughed when I offered to do healing work on him and energy work, which was so natural for me since I was doing energetic healing work on people in my family since I was a teenager.
Yet we had other common threads that we enjoyed together, such as dancing, watching movies together curled up in bed, drinking cappuccino’s together in his student apartment, and cuddling. He was intelligent and was studying engineering, well mannered and was a gentlemen; yet at the same time I sensed he was a younger soul then I, more in his ego then his true soul embodiment and he wanted me to be something that I was not.
He wanted to dress me how he wanted me to dress, as if I was his doll. He would buy me clothes that he thought would look good on me, and wanted me to conform to a certain way of looking that fit his ideal “dream woman”. I hated this. I hated feeling like I had to be something that I was not. This was the first experience I had of being in a relationship where I felt the friction and pressure of conformity.
In high school, it was much easier to blow away any kind of energetic conditioning of conformity, but in an intimate relationship with a guy that I loved, I felt pressured to conform to how he wanted me to be. I remember the first time I was going to meet his family, he didn’t want me to wear my bright, colorful and artful $500 Desigual coat I had bought in Barcelona (the most expensive beautiful coat I have ever invested in), but rather, a black coat like most people in Germany. So I told him, if he wanted me to wear a black coat to meet his family, then he could buy me one as a gift, and I would wear it, but I was not going to go out and buy my own. This was the first dagger of self betrayal. Subtle, yet still self betrayal.
Now I see clearly in retrospect, how self betrayal doesn’t happen in just one incident…its insidious and is a slow process of burning ourselves by going against our inner truth—By wanting to be accepted and love. A very human condition.
I feel anger in my body as I write these lines. Anger for forcing myself to be something I was not. If we are simply not something, its because we were created to be different. This first memory of changing myself to be with someone I loved, was this black coat memory. The first strike of betrayal to my soul.
When was the first time you betrayed your soul?
When was the first memory you said yes to conformity, and struck a match against your inner truth?
When was the first time you did something that was not in alignment with your soul?
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And so began the human experience of relationships, men, and romantic love.
When was the first time I ever experienced insecurity and self doubt? In my first relationship with a guy.
When was the first time I betrayed myself? In my first relationship with a guy.
When was the first time I compromised? In my first relationship with a guy.
When was the first time I gave in to fear, as opposed to staying true to myself? In my first relationship with a guy.
All of this happened in a relationship. Note, that I don’t use the word “man”, since I was not in a relationship with a man, but a boy.
In a way, there is one aspect of my self that could percieve all of this as my fall from grace….yet again, my Higher Self tells me that this was all part of the Divine plan of experiencing the humanness of life, learning and remembering.
These experiences, like every experience forge us into who we are meant to be. They are life’s fires and the crucible of what we become.
During these last 7 years of my life, of my 20s, I have had only 3 relationships.
The first one was when I was 20 years old living in Germany.
The second one was when I was 22 years old living in Japan.
The third one was when I was 25 years old in Berlin.
In this article, I am writing only about my first relationship.
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After 4 months, I knew I wasn’t living in my truth anymore, because even though I loved him…I wasn’t in love with him, and I felt the need to be free knowing that this was a relationship of attachment and need, not pure love. I had the self honesty and authenticity to tell him this, and wanted to be friends and not in a relationship anymore. I then travelled extensively throughout Europe and Africa for some months, and upon returning for my second semester we got back together.
During these last few months of my student exchange and year abroad in Europe, I allowed myself to be young, reckless, danced in clubs and it was the first time in my life I tried drinking alcohol and had the experience of being “drunk”, since I had never been drunk prior to moving to Europe. I danced on the edge. I knew in my deepest heart that he was not the man I would be spending the rest of my life with, yet I wanted to enjoy every minute of this experience, and appreciating our connection for what it was. This sweet experience of being young and youthful—something that I had never experienced in this incarnation up until this point.
My first time having sex
It wasn’t until I was 21 years old that I had sex for the first time. When I first met my boyfriend when I was 20 years old, I didn’t have any interest in having sex with him. I didn’t need it and I didn't even desire it; I was planning on only having sex with a man when I would get married, in a sacred union. In a way, I was saving myself to have sex only with my future husband. Whether that was an ingrained conditioning from growing up in a catholic background, or a certain wisdom of my soul, I cannot say. What I can say with with clarity, is that I have always had a very strong will power. I have never been tempted by sexual attraction, and this indomitable will power is something I was born with.
Then after having a near death experience where I blacked out one night, I realized that life is too short to live in a projected future, and to fully live in the moment. I chose to give myself to the moment of life, and live with no regrets. So we had sex for the first time, and it was very important that it be very special. He bought roses and hung them on the wall…and lit tea light candles and arranged them in the shape of "I love you".
It hurt the first time, and it was like my body was resisting him from entering me. How our beautiful and holy bodies know so much more then we sometimes acknowledge. The first time after having sex, I remember feeling a deep truth emerge within me that I couldn’t ignore: I felt like I had prostituted myself in someway. I felt like I had given myself to a man as a form of pleasing him, and I felt like a prostitute.
Have you ever prostituted yourself and betrayed your truth?
When was the last time you prostituted yourself?
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I think to a certain degree, we all have had experiences where we have compromised and betrayed our souls.
The seal of virginity & the awakening of the solar feminine
The second time we had sex, something within me didn’t want for him to be the one to break my hymen. I knew that it was a sacred and holy initiation, even if I wasn’t fully conscious of it yet. I remember consciously being guided to be on top of him, and I, to be the one to break the seal of my virginity. Some strong power in my soul, a deep ancient knowing, would not have my hymen be pierced through him penetrating me unconsciously. It was very clear in my soul, that I would not allow a man to break my seal of virginity. It had to be done by my own choice, authority, will and power.
So at 21 years old, I was the one to pierce the seal of virginity through my active solar feminine energy, and not passive receptive state. There was something empowering and liberating about this, knowing that I was initiating myself out of physical virginity in one form, and that no man could say they had done that to me. I felt free in myself, and like I hadn’t given away my power passively.
It was only until recently that I learned the deeper wisdom behind this subconscious guidance I had when I was 21 years old through research and books. In the ancient temple's of Priestess training a young girl would be brought to a ceremony at the time of her first moon to initiate her into her sexuality. This would happen with other women and Priestesses, and not with a man. The other women would touch her body and bring her into her holy sensuality, and at the end of this initiatory ceremony the High Priestess would use a crystal wand to enter the girl and initiate her into womanhood, breaking the shield of virginity with the crystalline energy. This happened with a crystal, and not a man's penis doing the penetrating.
Since I did not have this conscious memory of this when I was 21 years old, the ancient aspect of my soul knew intuitively that it should not be a man that would break my virginity, and I chose to do this for myself consciously. It was also an ignition of my power and this active solar feminine part of my being that awakened, that was not about to lay down and be passively penetrated by a man that did not fully see and feel my soul and deepest being; let alone know what an important sacred rite of passage this was. This knowing that this was meant to be a sacred and holy initiation was alive in my deepest being, and by me choosing to be the one to break my shield of virginity—I was honoring my being and staying rooted in my true sovereignty.
Truthfully, after experiencing sex I did not understand what this whole hype was around it. Why were so many people always interested in sex? Talking about sex? Needing sex? I didn’t understand how so many people could be so consumed by sex. It didn’t really do anything for me. I only felt like I was prostituting myself for a man that had sexual needs. And the truth is, is that I was never interested in just pleasure…I was longing for something much more deeper, holier, purer, sacred and richer. And what was missing was the soulfulness of sex. Since I was with a “normal” guy, I felt that the sacredness and holiness of sex was missing. There is a big difference between sex and making love. I knew in the depth of my being that it was possible to experience sacred lovemaking, but didn’t have that experience with this first guy because he simply didn’t embody the sacred.
The return to my higher self and the rage of my soul
My next relationship that I was deeply blessed to experience and live was with a man in Japan, who was an Earth Angel, that I will write an entirely different article on this immaculate pure love relationship that was rooted in pure selflessness, devotion, light and the purest love. My third relationship was the most intense relationship, connected to spirituality and brought me into the realms of ecstatic light and God Union and to the deepest hell and darkness I have experienced in this lifetime; an initiatory relationship.
It wasn’t until last year after having an experience with someone, that I was invited powerfully by life to wake up from this disillusionment with men, romantic love and relationships—through the most brutal self betrayal yet. It catapulted me back into Clarity and Reality. The beautiful and fresh rootedness in Reality, and back to embodying my Higher Self once again.
After the last 6 years of having sexual experiences with only a few men, what I have come to realize in myself now is that having relationships with men that were of a very different consciousness then myself, hurt me. It hurt me to the point when my soul got enraged and woke up again like Kali breathing fire. She had simply had enough! Enough. It almost feels like waking up from a dream, a dream of romantic disillusionment’s. My time of experimenting with boys is done. After this fierce and ruthless awakening last year, my inner knowing clearly told me that the next partnership I will have in life will be with a fully Initiated Being and Soul.
A new era and the greater awareness of sexuality
It’s now time for me to fiercely root myself back into my inner monk. To be married to my Self, and the connection with God/All That Is/Spirit is the only thing I am committed to. My Higher Self allowed my human Nicole to experience these relationships with men, and engage in sexual experiences—and now my Higher Self has told me I am complete with this experimentation. This cycle is done. Finished. Fertig.
It’s been over a year since I ended a relationship, and what I can say with absolute conviction is that my full clarity, knowing and power has returned. The fullness of who I am, is being embodied at an accelerated rate and I am becoming my Higher Self once again. My Higher Self is being anchored strongly within me, and the perceived separation of me and my Higher Self is losing its boundaries, and merging in union once again, like how it was when I was younger starting out in this life.
There is nothing wrong with sex, yet what must be highlighted for women to be aware of, is that lower unrefined sexual energy of men can be destructive to a women’s soul embodiment process and subtle physical body. The reality is that we live in a world where very few men have refined their sexual energy and have the consciousness to know how to channel their sexual energy in a healthy way. In addition, when you engage sexually with a man, you merge with his consciousness. If his consciousness is very different then yours, it can be a hindrance in your spiritual evolution. It can actually negatively effect your spiritual growth, ripening and flourishing.
Now after waking up from this huge illusion, I am grateful to be clear in reality. Grateful to see the traps of relationships, the traps of romantic love and sexual experiences that lack soul, sacredness and holiness. My 21 year old self always knew that sexuality was meant to be holy, sacred and nothing less. I intrinsically knew this, because I have experienced that in other lifetimes. It’s like the fullness of Who I Am, was placed in spiritual amnesia and I came to this Earth having to start out again as all humans do on the path of being incarnated…yet my soul had to quickly wake up from a young age to remember who I am and what I came to this Earth to do.
I write and share my truth, in order to bring a greater awareness and light to this topic. A topic that affects every women in her life. There is such a strong hype in the world for romantic relationships, dating, sexual fulfillment, and orgasms. Yet, is that truly the most important thing in life? What's truly important to you as a soul and incarnate Being? I know for myself, that the most important thing is to live from my Higher Self, to rise in my Highest Expression and I am no longer interested in "relationships"—I long for True Communion and Holy Union.
The value of celibacy as much as sexuality
What I have come to realize, is that you can’t teach anyone sacredness, holiness and purity of love. They either embody this, or they don't. It’s very simple. I also feel strongly that we need to educate our daughters, girls, and young women on the importance of celibacy just as much as the importance of opening to having relationships and engaging in sexuality. I feel the society we live in has swayed out of balance, by emphasizing sexuality and relationships so strongly. We see it infiltrated in the media, tv and movies. What about also encouraging the girls of this generation to also value celibacy and the potent gifts that it brings? Reminding young women that you don't always need to be in relationships and that time alone is powerful! Reminding young women that virginity is just as beautiful as choosing to be sexual.
A last important point I wish to share in this article, is that in the last few years of my journey I started to question whether I in someway had a sexual block because I was not such a sexual person in the way the world, media, and society informs me that I as a woman, should be. I read books on tantra, went to workshops and read articles on sexuality and orgasms. It wasn't until this past year of being alone, that I started to meet other sisters and women who also didn't have such a strong desire and urge for sex. Meeting these sisters on the path, really affirmed my own truth to me strongly—that we live in a hyper sexualized world and not all women need to be super sexual beings. There is such a strong pressure for women to be sexual and sexually open, whatever that means.
Last summer I attended the Awakening Women Institute's summer Yogini Retreat in Corfu, Greece for 1 month. During this time I connected with women from all around the world, and some embodied this sexual energy much stronger then others. One very wise older sister, that truly embodied this strong sexual Shakti told me, "Nicole, maybe sexuality is simply not your portal. For some women, it's their portal and for you perhaps sitting in meditation is your portal." It was relieving to hear this, and to be reminded that we are all different beings. Some of us are naturally more sexual then others, and I don't have to be super sexual. What a relief.
I also realized that in my energetic constitution I am more anchored in my upper chakra's then in my lower chakra's, which is the reason that sex has never really interested me so strongly like for some people. In addition, it's not that I don't have strong sexual energy awake and alive within me—in the contrary I feel a superabundance of Shakti, life force energy and creative energy bursting through me all the time—yet how I channel this energy is very different then the normal way we are educated in the world.
This superabundance of Shakti and creative sexual energy I have, has been utilized to create and live my life fully. I have channeled my sexual energy into creating my life as a masterpiece and service of divinity. By the time I was 25 years old, I had travelled to over 50+ countries and also completed my Master's Degree in Transpersonal Psychology. Perhaps in this lifetime, some of us don't need to be focused on just sharing our sexual energy with men in relationships, but channeling our sexual creative life energy into different dimensions of life and creation. This is something that we are not taught growing up, but is essential for advanced souls to remember.
You as a woman, have the choice to choose which man you allow into your holy temple.
You as a woman, must have the clear eye of discernment when navigating relationships with men.
You as a woman, must be uncompromising in choosing which man you merge with in consciousness.
You as a woman, must choose consciously how you channel your creative sexual energy.
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This aspect of human life, truly has one of the strongest impacts and affects on a woman’s life and spiritual evolution.
A solid sense of Self Responsibility is required. Choose wisely. Discern. Be clear. Know Your Self. Stay rooted in your Truth and Remember that you are a Holy Sacred Temple of Love, and anything that doesn’t meet this exquisite frequency is simply not meant to be wedded to your soul, heart, body and consciousness. Your Being is meant to be treasured as the immaculate vessel of love and eternity in which you are.
It's time we make vows to ourself once again.
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I hereby declare and choose to wed myself in the sacrament of holy Christed love, unity and oneness.
I hereby declare and commit to honoring my body temple to the highest most immaculate standard of conduct.
I hereby declare and commit to Self Love.
I am married and fully committed to God, above all else, my relationship with Eternity and My eternal Self.
My vow is to be married to the divinity within. Holy Union. To live this, and Be This.
“Women have had sexual repression, economic repression, political repression, social repression, ideological repression and spiritual repression. Sisterhood is powerful. Woman can support each other as women, in their pursuit for enlightenment or anything else, without fear. But as long as she's still in the commodities exchange market, buying and selling, she must fear the competition. As a woman you must unite with other women for a while and perhaps even reject the world of men, just to balance yourself. The average woman today is almost completely out of touch with her own power. While notable advances in certain parts of the world in woman's rights have occurred in the last hundred years, the centuries of conditioning and the mentality that views women as inferior still pervade our world today. Women must work doubly hard to overcome their conditioning in order to become enlightened. They must erase both conscious and unconscious ideas of sexual inferiority that have been programmed into their awareness.” -Dr. Frederike Lenz, Women - Men and Self Realization
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We are living in a time, were evolution is rapidly calling to us. The psychological and energetic structures that encumber the planet today deeply hold a woman back from fully embodying her power. My journey for myself, in the past 7 years has been navigating all the ways that these conditionings exist within the collective feminine psyche, since I am currently in a woman's body in this lifetime. If I was incarnate as a man, I would be writing about the collective masculine psyche. These centuries of conditionings are within the framework of the psyche, and it's been a process of excavation to find all these structures, and then to burn them in the light of awareness.
The solar feminine is screaming to be awakened once again, after a period of 6,000 years of a slumber. We as women, must remember that true femininity is not just receptive, gentle and nurturing; but is active, passionate, creative, powerful and strong. To be a whole woman, means to embody all aspects of Self in all forms, and not to be limited by one model of femininity that we see so often in society.
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