“I had always imagined God to be in the same general direction as everything else that I valued: up. I had failed to appreciate the meaning of the description of God as the “ground of being.” I had to be forced underground before I could understand that the way to God is not up but down.” — Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak
Part One:
I’ve realized that there are two threads of living, the vertical and horizontal plane. Most of us spend the majority of our life in the light of living—creating, doing, working, moving, growing, achieving, going, accomplishing and being in the movement of “becoming”. It’s a horizontal plane of movement of linear reality, that our mainstream society and world supports and promotes as the norm. To constantly be doing something, moving forward, progressing—the yearning for expansion and progressive development.
Many institutions and companies are obsessed with growth in the form of profit at the expense of all other reservoirs. Economies focus on growth, universities focus on growing in rank and research achievements, and the world at large is running on the hamster wheel of continuous “more”, which has become the common invisible disease that permeates the human psyche, just as much as the institutions we see visibly in the world.
Sometimes after actualizing so much in our personal life, and growing tremendously on this horizontal plane of linear reality—we start to feel that our surface way of living and being visible in the world has reached its full fruition and flowering, and there is a whisper or a calling to retreat back to the roots and trunk of our innermost being. To descend from the light of living outwardly in the world, down into the fertile richness and dark womb of our soul.
At these points in our life, we are being summoned by the Universal Divine Intelligence of existence, to take an evolutionary step not only in our individual development and evolution, but also to contribute to the evolutionary impulse of creation and the modern world.
Most ignore this calling, and cling to their surface life—because to let go of what you created yourself to be, and to let go of doing, going, working, and achieving is the death of the self. To consciously pause and stop with intention, takes tremendous presence, self awareness and will power. To let go and relinquish everything that once had meaning for you, and where you derived your sense of identity and personhood. When you relinquish it all, what is left? If you stop working and continuously advancing, what remains in the emptiness and space that is created—the space that is always present yet is hidden in the background with our constant busyness?
There is no regeneration happening on the earth—simply because we as a species have forgotten the wisdom of living in cyclical alignment with the forces of nature. To honour the forces of nature within ourself, and for our modern day living and being to be in attunement with creation and nature herself.
We live in a fragmented world of old, archaic systems that no longer match the living vibration of now. We as a species are stuck in the past, chained to history, and perpetually recreating the old—and denying the future evolutionary calling of what wishes to be created, and implemented in this new era…
Unless we are willing to let go of what has been created and solidified, there will be no cultural innovation, change, and transformation.
Perhaps this is also one of the blessings and gifts of the current world wide quarantine stemming from the corona virus pandemic. It forces us all to stop, pause, break the chain of continuous movement of the trajectory we have been on (both personally and collectively) and to create a collective moment of stillness, stopping and pausing on the earth to really listen within and feel what is happening with ourselves and on this magnificent earth we inhabit.
Part Two:
What is our part in this?
For myself, these last 5 years of my path have been a strong movement and explosion of creating, sharing, doing, accomplishing, birthing and maximizing the fullest expression of my soul’s dharma. This included a successful heart and soul aligned global business, earning my Master’s degree in Transpersonal Psychology, offering many Mentorship Programs for heart and soul aligned women leaders, retreats, sold out workshops around the world, and writing and publishing my first book. In addition, during this time I lived in North America, Europe and Asia while travelling to 70+ countries. I did all this before the age of 30!
This chapter of my life was filled with colours, intensity, impact, contribution, movement and an overall current of tremendous self actualization unified in service.
It was akin to being on a super accelerated fast speed train of living, creating, growing, becoming and extending myself thoroughly on this horizontal linear plane of reality. After 5 years of following this groove and movement of life in this horizontal expression, there was no doubt that I reached the fullest expression and potential of the self that I created myself to be for this period of my life. Not only did I reach the fullest flowering, actualization and expression of this self—but I maximized it to the fullest potential, and squeezed every ounce of juice from this fullness, ripeness and total flowering of my soul’s expression in the world. The fullness within was translated and actualized outwardly in what I created visibly in the world and what I achieved on the manifest level.
Like a flower in full bloom, I stayed open blooming in this time of expansion and growth, shining and emitting this sparkling fragrance of full self expression and soul expansion, completely open to the world. Yet after these last 5 years of blooming open fully, I started to feel that it was now time to wither, drop my petals (aka the solidified self identity and expression that was crystallized), and return to the roots and depth of my being, the formless essence of creation, the nourishing darkness and the great emptiness and void in which All Life is sparked from.
This is where flowers are different than humans, in the sense that we as humans can resist, avoid and fight the natural movement and intelligence of life. We can choose to ignore this calling to disintegrate, in order to rebirth and innovate an update both personally and collectively.
Many times we choose to hold on and cling to what we have become, what we have created and who we think ourselves to be—because that is what is safe to the human ego. We then enter stagnancy, decay and denial.
Even on my own path, I saw the self in me that wanted to hold on to who I had become and what I had established in the world. After all, that would be the most comfortable thing to do. The process of disintegration, death, and dying is not a visibly beautiful process and can be messy, ugly, and unrelenting. I witnessed the self in me that didn’t want to die, that wanted to continue to bloom fully for eternity. The self in me that didn’t want to rest, stop, pause and dissolve—the personal will in each of us—that goes against life, and tries to impose its personal will over the expense of surrendering and melting together with the Higher Divine Will and Greater Intelligence of life.
Slowly over time, the knowing and wisdom of the deeper intelligence that had already taken root within me, started to take hold of my full being, and guide me to retreat from the world, and surrender my self on the alter of God—and at the gate of the underworld of soul descent and vertical deepening.
The summoning and calling to fall down, descend and enter the rich loom of darkness was the strongest gravitational pull in my life this last year since releasing my book into the world in the spring of 2019. Like a magnet, and force of gravity, she had me, and pulled me into the primordial cave of creation. The cosmic womb of nothingness, emptiness and space. The personal will within me, bowed down to the transpersonal will of life and that of my inner being, and knew that this force perceived sometimes as beyond ‘myself’ was indeed myself calling my “self” Home.
Part Three:
Being at the gate of descent, I started to feel the need to withdraw from my surface world living, which meant taking extended periods of time off social media. Publishing and releasing my book was the last offering to be shared into the world before surrendering to the gates of descent fully. My book was the culmination of my journey the last 5 years with all the fruits of wisdom, truth and sacred jewels of awakening that are revealed and held in Soul on Fire: Divine Reminder’s on the Path of Awakening.
It was the last outward extension of my soul—a sacred Gift Book for strengthening the connection to our Higher Self’s Wisdom and is an Energetic Soul Activation Transmission. I released the book into the world before my 30th Birthday and then entered the gates of descent fully while in Japan.
It was upon releasing my book, which had taken me a period of 2+ years to birth and compile, an exquisite piece of art, that the process of disintegration was then activated from within. I knew it was time to die, after this tremendous birthing and milestone that signified a culmination of the 5 year path I had been on that led up to the book launch. The disintegration process is not for the faint of heart: it is often difficult and painful to have to die to the old in order to give space for a new future configuration.
It was in Japan, that the gravity of psycho-spiritual decent took the strongest hold on me—and I knew there was no escaping what was now in store. When we reach a threshold on our path, we are already deeply taken by the gravity of the calling—that we know there is no turning back. Being in a threshold, marks a turning point of no return on our path.
The message that was continuously communicated to me during this time was the importance of connecting to the ground of my being and the ground of being. After the last few years being focused on soul embodiment and soul awakening, it was now time to connect to the essence beyond the soul—the very source of our being. Where does the soul come from? What created the soul? This is where I was being summoned to go…and melt back into…to die back into Infinity and Origin of Source.
There’s one moment on my trip in Japan last year, that stands out. My partner and I had arrived in Kyoto—checked into our hotel, and as I sat on the couch in our room, I was flooded with the deep unrestrained knowing that I needed to fall down vertically. There was no point in leaving my hotel room and exploring the city of Kyoto. I had spent so much time the last years, travelling—going—doing—moving forward; and now I was being forced to stop and pause, to sink down into pure beingness. To go anywhere, or do anything felt pointless and absolutely obsolete; when the calling to descend was grabbing me by my feet and pulling me under…
2 months later after being in Japan, I chose to travel to the northern Highland Region of Scotland, and spent 3 weeks by myself in solitude in a cozy cedar cabin of my dear friend who was working offshore at the time.
These 3 weeks were committed to solitude, meditation and silence to nurture and nourish the ground of my being. I sat in silence everyday, and also connected deeply to the spirit of the land of Scotland—that of the ancient Cailleach. What I really love and appreciate about Scotland is the rawness of nature, and how strong one can connect to the feminine spirit of the land. The spirit of the land is very much alive and tangible! The land of Scotland is imbued with ancient myths, magic and mystical vitality.
At the end of my personal meditation retreat in Scotland, I was siting next to a river and later went back to the cedar cabin to meditate and the Egyptian God Anubis appeared in my inner vision—God of the Underworld. I knew it was no coincidence that already having felt the gravitational pull to descend downwards a few months prior would now lead me to connect with the gatekeeper of the Underworld journey…
“An underworld guide knows, personal maturation, especially in the cocoon, often begins with a dying (a “positive disintegration”), always a necessity before the rebirth of Soul Initiation. Likewise, the 21st century Masters know that the transformation of culture, which they are charged to oversee, requires something like a collective descent into our inescapable grief and despair over the real possibility of our self-inflicted extinction, a descent that empowers our will to act and our capacity to respond imaginatively and effectively. The Great Turning is our cultural rite of passage, perhaps the Soul Initiation of the human species. The Masters of our time must assume the role of underworld guides for the human collective.” - Bill Plotkin, Nature and the Human Soul: Cultivating Wholeness in a Fragmented World
After Scotland, I returned to Germany where we found a new home near the alps in Southern Germany—a space which would be our year long retreat and deepening nest and cocoon. My next article in the future, will be a continuation of this article and part two of this time of soul descent and being held in a cocoon of inner deepening and maturation.
During this time of global pausing and stopping—many of you are currently being guided by life to also go within and have extra spaciousness to examine and self reflect. Valuing this period of time where the world at large takes a pause and connecting to the silent pulse of knowing deep within. The world is long over due and deeply in need of a collective descent that can bring our civilization through a Great Turning point of collective renewal and cultural transformation. This time that we are currently in is vital for the restoration of our species and Mother Earth.
It’s time that we stop fighting, lay down our hands and surrender to the Great Turning that is upon us…
I leave you with some questions of contemplation and inquiry to support your path and soul’s deepening:
What within you is ready to die? What role, identity, work, or expression is done and complete?
Where are you not being fully honest with yourself? If you dare to be fully truthful…where are you out of integrity in your life?
In what ways do you fill your time and stay busy, just to avoid feeling absolute spaciousness and emptiness?
It’s obvious in the world that a cultural regeneration is needed at this time—yet, what kind of personal regeneration is needed in your own life? Is an evolutionary calling for an update wishing to be allowed to run its course within yourself?
What does deepening in God and the verticality of being intimately mean to you? What does this touch in you?
Are you due for a journey to the underworld? Does your surface way of living feel devoid of a deeper meaning and pulsation of aliveness?
With a deep tenderness in my heart and much love and respect for each of you on your individual paths…and for those who have the courage to follow the invitation of the sacred soul descent—it’s the medicine that this world needs at this time. Thank you for being planetary stewards and Elders of birthing a New Earth. We are kindling innovation, planting seeds of consciousness, daring to strip ourselves naked and enter the gates of the underworld in order to reinstate ecological wholeness both within ourselves and the planet at large.
If this article and soul sharing has resonated and touched you, please be free to share it with friends and family—to be a source of support and inspiration on their path at this time.
With Love, Nicole ❤️