I haven’t written anything here on Facebook for quite a while, and was off social media for some weeks.
Today I would like to share with you one of the processes I have been experiencing in these last few months living like a hermit in Bali.
I’ve had a strong energetic process happening within my 6th and 7th chakra in these last 3 months, that has been initiated even deeper through going to waterfalls and holy water temples here on the island.
It first started when I came back to Bali in October, and went under a waterfall in the northern tip of the island. As soon as I went under this very high waterfall, I felt excruciating pain in the top of my head energetically. It was extremely painful, and I felt strange after. I felt knocked out in many ways, and had to go back to my room and rest.
Originally, I questioned whether it was the height, strength, and power of the waterfall that had somehow hurt the top of my head physically.
Yet when a couple weeks later I went to a water temple in Ubud with a very soft and feminine gentle waterfall, I put my head under the waterfall for purification—and experienced even more intense pain from this softer waterfall than the previously stronger one, and I knew that something energetically was being initiated within my crown chakra.
The pain in the top of my crown and in my 6th chakra (within my brain) was excruciating and severe.
After being under the water for less than a minute, I went and sat down on the concrete in the temple space outside by the water. I felt sick and like throwing up.
I was pulled into meditation, and was just sitting there with my eyes closed while I felt my head being penetrated by cosmic kundalini (energy / light). I felt myself as space. What came to me during this time with absolute clarity and conviction: “I am not this body. I am not this person. I am the Light and Energy that is entering me. Allow it.”
The pain inside my head, in my 3rd eye, and above my crown was like a cosmic hammer drilling a hole into my crown and brain. Space and light coming in, stretching the confines and contours of my current consciousness.
Unrelenting pain and severe throbbing energetically and physically above my crown. I felt this light entering me moving down through my body into my solar plexus and I felt sick to my stomach, feeling my ego and personal self having to die and melt into this process. The resistance was coming up in my 3rd chakra, because within me I do have a strong sense of self.
I was sitting on the floor of the temple in the jungle outside, while Jonas sat behind me holding me as I gave myself to this process of dying to my self. The personal self of “Nicole”.
I knew that what was entering me was me. And that the identity of the person of Nicole had to die into the Light of my being and the consciousness that I am.
I was crying from the intensity of the pain, as I knew I had to surrender to it. It was unbelievable to my human self and the logical mind that just going under a very gentle and soft waterfall for such a short time could initiate such a vividly excruciating process in my energetic body and physical system.
My personal self, was scared, and knew that it had to die. Often times we cling to our human identity out of safety and comfort, and the human aspect of our being feels terrified of what is beyond itself. The perceived unknown. It will always feel safer to the human aspect of our self to stay grounded, rather than to allow ourselves to open up to the penetration of divine cosmic energy.
Yet, transpersonal experiences are gateways and portals to a much greater reality of what we are, and when we have a strong integrated self that can open itself beyond what it is, these experiences only can happen when something is ripe and mature within us for transformation. It can't be pushed or forced, it simply happens with grace when we are ready.
There comes a point on our path where we all must relinquish our old identity and move into embodying a greater more wholistic expression of who we are as consciousness, awareness and light embodied.
Consciousness expresses itself through the vehicle of this body we all have.
The body is the tuning fork and conductor for this energy and light to be expressed through.
Yet we all have varying degrees of where we are rooted in our human expression.
Some of us identify ourselves solely as a 'person' or human.
A man or woman. A German or Canadian.
Some of us identify ourselves with being a soul.
Some of us identify ourselves as pure consciousness and awareness.
The step that I have had to take now on my own path, is relinquishing my soul that I have strongly been identified with in these last years. I realized that we even have to be willing to let go our soul to merge with the greater totality of what we are.
Even the soul is limited and finite.
The soul is a branch of the tree that we are.
And its time I become the tree.
This psychospiritual energetic process and transformation that is underway in my chakras, somatic system, energetic structure, and kundalini is clearing out the baggage of my personal identity and creating space for more of the consciousness that I am to be incarnate in my physical body.
I am sharing my process, even though I know not everyone will understand fully. I feel its important for me to always be transparent and honest with what I am experiencing…and may it support others on the path of unveiling their true nature that are also going through strong energetic processes and initiations that reorient ourselves into different dimensions, perceptions and flavours of awakened consciousness.
Even though it can be scary and frightening to the personal identity, the human self, the Divine will and Higher Will of our being can always be trusted, and the most important thing is to surrender ourselves to the greater current of life that will always initiate us into what has to happen without any personal preference from our part.
The higher will is our will.
The personal self just has to remember and realize itself as this Divine Will that it is.
Spiritual transformation is not always a beautiful, blissful and lightful experience.
It is meant to burn, destroy and annihilate what has to be dissolved.
It purifies our system of what is false, fake, and not true.
It can be painful. And yet, the pain is the healing sometimes. The pain is the liberator. The pain is the light of God wanting to enter us and bring us home.
Home to the totality of what we are. Cracking us open.
Home—rooted in the eternal, and no longer merely playing a game of being just a human.
To remember ourselves as incarnations of the Divine.
Divine embodiments torched in the light of awareness.
To remember ourselves as Divinized expressions of the Light in human form.
~ Nicole 💜