Living in Inner Fulfillment

So many times it’s easy to get pulled into a contraction in our life when we feel hurt, sad or disappointed. 

I realized recently that even if we have received so much in life in so many ways, there is an aspect of being human that tends to focus on the contraction; as opposed to recognizing all the abundance, love and goodness that has showered us over the course of our life. If I allow my consciousness to be single focused on one thing that bothers me, I suffer. When I expand my consciousness beyond the contraction into the totality of my life, I experience freedom. 

When I focus my consciousness on all the beauty, love, blessings, miracles and abundance that has graced my life; I start to feel immense love, gratitude and appreciation in my heart. I start to feel an expanded inner fullness from within. A yummy “more then enoughness”. A deep love for life. I feel this fullness circulating within and I experience inner fulfillment. Gratitude and appreciation for everything that we have experienced and received in life is a pathway to unlocking our own inner wealth. 

We still experience the contractions in life that come from living a full human life in totality (embracing all emotions), yet we have a choice to choose where we will place our energy. And in the moments when I feel a contraction, yet expand my consciousness beyond the contraction…the contraction doesn’t have so much power over me, and my state of being naturally opens to this fullness within.

When I realize how fortunate I have been to live such a beautiful life on this Earth, my heart can’t help but expand more fully into the love that I am. This Earth and human life that we are experiencing is so rich and steeped with so much beauty…sunsets, the ocean, the forests, islands, lakes, strawberries, butterflies, flowers, olive trees, and crickets. There is so much abundance and diversity of life on the planet. A colorful mosaic of expansions. And we are also expansions. 

I feel like the totality of life is pure abundance and fullness. There is no lack. Lack is only a creation of the mind that can’t comprehend the totality of our existence. When we merge with that which is beyond our personal self, we remember that we are abundance, love and beauty incarnate because we are not separate from the source of that which grows the trees and gives birth to all of life on Earth. 

The heart that dwells in the vibration of gratefulness, appreciation and love will always be overflowing…and is a source spring of refreshment for others to drink from, and is a torchlight of truth on this Earth where so many have forgotten the bountiful nature of our existence.

Choose to live in this beauty, and open to grace. She is calling.

I love you. 
Nicole

*Photo taken at the Corfu Sound & Silence Festival in Greece*

Our Sacred Embodiment of the Feminine is Restoring the Planet

Tonight we had a beautiful Sacred Women Circle on the beach here on the magical island of Kauai under the stars. Five sisters came together in circle from Australia, Ecuador, Sweden, Canada and the USA. Sisterhood is medicine. Sacred Women Circle's are healing, transformative and pure nourishment for the soul. We lit candles and had shells, sea stars and a beautiful pink conch shell as our alter centerpiece. We reflected to each other the great mystical beauty that we are...the infinity that we emanate through every cell of our being. The sparkling God essence that shines through our eyes...the individuated spark of life that we are. With presence, expression, authenticity, touch, massage, giving + receiving and reflecting each other's true nature back to each other; something within was sparked alive under a sky filled with twinkling stars smiling down at us. 

It was my first time doing a Sacred Women Circle outside under the stars at night by the ocean. We ate fresh ripe guava and papaya...chanted and beheld each other in our divinity, light and pure beauty. 

My realization tonight is that healthy relationships amongst women are so important. An old paradigm of gossiping, back stabbing, competition and hurting each other is so DONE. The birthing of the feminine is one of supporting each other to rise into our greatness. For all to RISE. 

Amongst women, we have the power to support other women to rise in our presence...to inspire, uplift, elevate and encourage each other...and at the same time we have the capacity to destroy each other and push each other down. We have the power to see each other's beauty and affirm the goodness within each other, and we have the power to break another women's heart with our impure words and actions. We can see each other as sisters or we can see each other as competitors. We can love each other up, or we can throw each other down.

The time is now.

Our sacred embodiment of the feminine is restoring the planet. Anything that is not in alignment with the Great Mother is shifting out. The old cannot withstand the new birthing that is happening within each of us. 

May we rise--and support each other. Uplift each other and love each other.

I realized tonight that it doesn't matter how self realized or "enlightened" you are as a woman, if you are not capable of cultivating healthy relationships with other humans in mutuality, honor, respect, integrity and love. The walls and veils of hierarchy are done. We do not worship one woman as the Goddess, we worship the Goddess within ourselves and in each Sister we see...and in every breath of life and every spark of creation. Every single woman on this Earth embodies the Divine Mother. Lying and manipulating others is done. Abuse of power is done. True power is gentle and strong, not forceful and domineering. We never have to intimidate others with our power when we truly know what real power is. The Earth is screaming for all of us to remember and wake up from all the distortions, separation and brutality. 

May we be it.

~ Nicole Hemmer

Speak Your Truth and Reclaim Your Voice

When I was a little girl I always loved Ariel the mermaid. Out of all the Disney movies, Ariel was my favorite because I grew up spending so much time in the water…swimming in lakes, pools and oceans…and always feeling an affinity with the sea. Recently I was recognizing how the story of Ariel that was portrayed in the Disney movie is not one of the best depictions for young girls to look up to. Ariel so badly wants to be human and have a life on land with legs, that she is willing to give up her voice for that. When she gives up her voice, she also gives up her power. 

The last few years this is something I have been working on in myself. Growing up I always had a strong voice and was able to speak my truth and express myself. There was no hesitation and fear. I remember being 15 and reading about the chakras in the body, and knowing that my throat chakra was really healthy and open. Then somewhere in my early 20s my throat charka started to close. I’m not entirely sure whether it was from subtle forms of cultural conditioning “of being a nice girl” or from subconscious memories of past lives where it was dangerous to speak the truth and being burned for it was an outcome. 

I remember the exact moment when I recognized what happened. I was in India, and one night I woke up from a very unique dream. In my dream, someone said to me strongly: “You cut off your tongue”. Then I woke up. There was nobody in my dream, just a strong powerful voice telling me this truth, so matter of factly. With this potent clarity, I realized that I had been swallowing my truth instead of fully speaking my truth…all for acceptance, keeping peace, and external approval. I had given up my power through silencing my expression. I had really cut my own tongue off metaphorically. 

The last 3 years since my time in India, has been a journey of reclaiming my voice. Of fully speaking my truth no matter what…even if the truth may cause some ripples. A part of my essence is being a harmonizer. Yet at the same time, I’ve realized that swallowing what I know to be true in order to gain external acceptance, love, and approval is completely self mutilation and betrayal. When I don’t fully express my truth, I am dishonoring myself. I feel this is something that many of us perhaps experience at some point in our lives.

These words by Audre Lorde sum up perfectly what I’ve experienced with speaking up and expressing truth the last 2 months in Hawaii:

“I was going to die, sooner or later, whether or not I had even spoken myself. My silences had not protected me. Your silences will not protect you.... What are the words you do not yet have? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own need for language."

I began to ask each time: "What's the worst that could happen to me if I tell this truth?" Unlike women in other countries, our breaking silence is unlikely to have us jailed, "disappeared" or run off the road at night. Our speaking out will irritate some people, get us called bitchy or hypersensitive and disrupt some dinner parties. And then our speaking out will permit other women to speak, until laws are changed and lives are saved and the world is altered forever.

Next time, ask: What's the worst that will happen? Then push yourself a little further than you dare. Once you start to speak, people will yell at you. They will interrupt you, put you down and suggest it's personal. And the world won't end.

And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don't miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you. And you will still flirt and paint your nails, dress up and party, because, as I think Emma Goldman said,

"If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution." And at last you'll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking.” -Audre Lorde

**(white hot truth)**

Today I love myself even more because I’ve burned through the veils and walls that kept me quiet, that were self imposed. I yearn to speak the truth fully, even when my body shakes with fear…and my voice trembles…and even when I know it may not make everyone comfortable. I am willing to be disliked for being who I am fully, then to be loved for being a diminished expression of the totality of who I truly am. 

It's beautiful to have a voice. And mermaids love to sing their soul voice!

Nicole

2015 Year Reflection

I'm right now sitting in my room here in Kauai reflecting on this past year of 2015. How did I get here...to where I am now? In half of the world right now its already 2016. I always start to feel an urgency to clear many things at the end of the year before moving into a new year. I need to speak what has not been spoken. I need to express what hasn't been expressed. I need to share the beauty and pictures that I was not sharing. I need to let go of everything that I have been holding on to. I need to listen within and be in stillness. I need to move beyond all fears into expansion. No playing small--only growing bigger and more fully into who I am.

This year was a leap of faith. Really navigating the unknown. Really surrendering and trusting, and being led and guided. A year of adventure and travel. A rich year of spiritual deepening, awakening and activations. A year of service and starting to do the sacred work I am on this Earth to do. 

I started out the year in Canada. Then I was traveling for 54 days (2 months) throughout the continent of Africa through 10 countries: South Africa, Namibia, Botswana, Zambia, Malawi, Zimbabwe, Tanzania, Kenya, Uganda and Rwanda. Camping outside every night under the stars. My heart was hungry for Africa and my soul was thirsty for God. I experienced the energy of mama Africa, her power, her majestic beauty and all of our animal friends that roam the savannas. The most powerful moments for me in Africa were being in the light temple in Cape Town, Namib desert for sunrise, learning from the Bushmen how to survive with plants and herbs, drinking in pure Shakti transmission at Victoria Falls--the most powerful place I have ever been on this Earth--seeing how happy the people of Malawi are naturally, swimming with dolphins off the coast of Zanzibar, camping in the Serengeti and doing safaris, hiking in the mountains of Uganda and doing Gorilla tracking and making some really beautiful connections with some of the souls I connected with on this journey.

Then I spent 3 months in Europe. Living in Berlin, and also traveling to Glastonbury (England), Paris and London. The time in Glastonbury was an activation of the Sacred Feminine, the holding of the High Priestess and the remembrance of Avalon. Paris was luminous and magical. London I felt the winds of destiny. 

I spent the summer back at home in Canada for 2 months out in nature facilitating a beautiful Nature, Goddess, and Sisterhood retreat on my grandmothers land. Did an underwater photoshoot. Spent everyday outside in the sun by the cornfield under a tree resting in being and listening. Feeling inspiration flowing through.

I then went back to Europe for another 2 months this autumn where I was living in Berlin again doing the Sacred Women Circle's and facilitating the Sacred Feminine retreat with over 100 women in 6 weeks from 25 different countries. I am so grateful for all the sisters I met in Berlin, soul friendships and anchoring the Divine Feminine back into Berlin through our embodiment, remembrance, sisterhood and reverence for the sacred feminine. 

I spent the month of November in Canada, and now in December I have been in Hawaii (Maui + Kauai). 

Sometimes with being in so many different places in the world, you grow into the world more fully. I feel that. This year I was in 15+ countries in North America, Europe and Africa. 

I am really grateful for all of the support I have...and feel from my Facebook community here...friends and family...some people I have never met in person but feel connected to and ALL of you. Thank you for being in this journey with me. 

I feel blessed, loved, supported.
The last few days I have also been feeling sadness, pain and confusion.
Really allowing everything to come up, and to fully feel everything. 
I feel like I have dropped onto my knees in surrender and much humility. 
I am anchored only in that which has been moving me this year. 
Knowing and remembering that in every moment, even when I feel alone--I am never alone. 

As much as its been a beautiful year, even a beautiful year is filled with darkness, challenges and growth. I've experienced heaven and hell. Ecstasy and despair. Life and death. Dying and rising. Then more dying...simmering and burning...following by rebirthing. 

What I learned this year is that its takes extraordinary faith, courage and TRUST to live a life where you are a servant and vessel to that which is living you, directing you and seeking expression through you. Many times this year I was on my knees wondering if I was capable of handling everything I was experiencing. So much intensity.

Even when your world is falling apart, and you feel washed by life--stay true to that trust that lives within your heart. Never forget how much support you have on both the visible and invisible realms. Even in the times where you feel like you are dying--grace is always here.

I love you all. I really love you.
Thank you for loving me. 
Nicole xo

Sisterhood

In January of this year I travelled to Ishigaki Island in Okinawa, Japan for the first time. When I was deciding where I wanted to travel on my vacation, something inside me felt pulled to go to Ishigaki, which is the most southern island in Japan (as opposed to going to Osaka/Kyoto/Tokyo). Once I booked my ticket, I looked on couch surfing to connect with some local people. The first profile I came across I instantly felt a connection to a young Japanese couple from Tokyo who were living on the island. After sending an email, we discovered there were already synchronicities and connections. I later realized that my purpose in travelling to Ishigaki was not just for the beauty of the island, but in making a connection with these 2 people that I was meant to meet. We don’t make friends, we recognize them. 

Last weekend Yuko came to Korea to visit me for the weekend. Travelling from Ishigaki to Osaka to Seoul to Jindo. Two whole days of travelling in order to spend 2 days with me before returning back to Japan. It was such a special weekend. It made me appreciate again having soul sisters in our life, and how incredibly enriching these deep friendships are. Quality and depth of time, over quantity and length. My soul sister Yuko is officially a spa manager on a beautiful island in Okinawa, yet who she truly is in essence is: a healer, a modern day witch, aroma therapist, life counselor and spiritual teacher.

We did a beautiful ritual together in English and Japanese with a candle and sage. I did energy healing on her and gave Deeksha; she did Reiki on me. She taught me more about essential oils and aromatherapy (for example, creating your own mouthwash with clove oil and brushing your teeth with tea tree oil). We both have ancient knowledge, knowing and wisdom intrinsic to us. We drove around my island on my scooter exploring, from the jungle to the ocean, and saw so many dragonflies in the sky. We talked about the divine feminine, and what it means to live from our feminine essence.

I felt so nurtured, nourished and purified from our time together.

And I was so grateful to receive from her:
1.) Aromatherapy reflexology foot massage with oregano oil

2.) Head massage with geranium oil and tea tree oil

3.) Facial treatment with essential oils and healing energy

It was pure bliss. Giving and receiving, healing and purifying, energizing and spiritually empowering one another.

Arigato Gozaimasu Yuko.

I love all my soul sisters around the world.

May all women experience the depth of connection that comes from connecting as sisters…a friendship that transcends time and distance…a connection based on soul, being and resonance. Beautiful, sacred and mystical. = the feeling of being home.

♥ nicole.

Connect With Me This Summer

My summer in South Korea has been beautiful the past few weeks.

It has included: Rice fields, green tea plantations, islands, beaches, bamboo forests, ancient mountains, temple visits and time on the ocean.

I’ve been living in abundance and have experienced so much beauty.

Just yesterday after walking through some green tea fields, spending time in the mountains, and visiting Wando Island, I felt inspired to create a special coaching package for this summer for those who are interested in receiving and experiencing sessions with me.

I’m feeling really generous from all the unique things I’ve been able to experience and do the past few months in Korea and I’m overflowing with life, love, and passion in wanting to serve, inspire and uplift.

For this Summer Special, I am offering a HUGE discount on my sessions which is an incredible deal, and worthwhile investment.

I have completed the transformational coaching professional training program at Sofia University in California and have my official certification as a Certified Life Coach.

As a part of my training, I have given over 50 hours of coaching to clients and have received 18 hours of professional coaching. As a part of my certification, I invested in three sessions with a Master Certified Coach (MCC) + Certified Mentor Coach from the ICF (International Coaching Federation).

Why do I love receiving coaching sessions, even as a life coach?

Each time I've had a session with my coach I have completely expanded my awareness, thinking and ways of looking at my life. I’ve experienced huge shifts in my perception and in what’s possible for my life. I’ve appreciated my coach’s wisdom, insight, depth, thought provoking questions, awareness, compassionate heart, multidimensional listening skills, clear intuition and presence. I experienced clarity, excitement and the feeling of being even more on purpose after each session. I’ve also learned so much more about myself through receiving life coaching that is grounded in transpersonal psychology and recognizes the spiritual dimension of being human.

One of the most important things I learned at a young age is to always invest tremendously in yourself. That's what I have been doing all my life; investing in life experiences, travel, and education. Everything always makes us more and the real richness is always within. Investing in sessions where you are learning more about yourself, growing in awareness and expanding your vision of what's possible for your life is priceless. And sometimes having someone to navigate your life path with who is there to support you 100% and is able to share wisdom and a new perspective is like pure gold. We all deserve to invest in ourselves, and the more we invest in ourselves, the more our life reflects our inner richness. 

Life coaching for me is the professional extension of who I am. I’m like an anam cara for my clients in addition to being a life coach. In the Celtic tradition, an anam cara meant “soul friend”. Someone you talk about the most meaningful things in your life with and the connection is sacred.

I love helping people navigate their life paths and find connection, meaning and purpose within their experiences and challenges. I love being a soul friend. I’m really excited to offer this special onetime summer package, and spaces are limited to only 10 spots because I want to invest all my time and energy into these 10 people I will work with and serve this summer as a life coach, guide, mentor and soul friend. 

Sessions are available for both men and women. 

I see you. I'm here for you.

With Love, Beauty and Magic...

Nicole

PS-If you would like to hear some of the wonderful things my clients have said about my coaching + mentoring + life guidance sessions click here.

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My Life in Korea

The following piece of writing was a very open, honest and raw account of my experience living in South Korea that I sent to my family and friends back in March. At the time, I could not post this on my blog, but now that I am nearing the end of my time here I feel compelled to share.

Truthfully, I find it much easier to write about the light than to write about the darkness I've experienced. Therefore, I am stretching myself in sharing this...

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear family and friends,

It's been 7 months that I've been living in Korea. I can't believe it. Only 5 more months to go...and only 3 more months until I finish my master’s degree.

I have not written about my experience in Korea since I have been here. Perhaps because I've been busy writing so much for my courses, yet I wanted to take a minute today to write about my experience.

Honestly, it's been hard. Difficult, and even painful at times. I wish I could be writing that I have been having the time of my life, and experiencing so much magic and beauty like I had experienced before living in Germany and Japan; but that's not been the case. I have faced many challenges living here.

Sometimes while I am at the school, I look outside the window and I can clearly see that my external reality does not match my internal being. I feel within myself so much brightness, colors, life, joy, passion and love bursting from within my being, yet my current external reality is dim, bleak and colorless.

One of the main challenges I've had these past 7 months is keeping my soul alive on fire when surrounded by so many spirits that have been broken by a system. To keep your soul, heart and spirit alive in an environment that crushes it...is one of the hardest challenges I've ever had to face. To shine brightly in darkness. Just today I witnessed a teacher slapping a boy in the face. It shocked me, and I left the room. I cannot tolerate seeing physical violence. Another teacher told me that I would eventually get used to it, but I will never allow myself to become desensitized to violence even if it is considered normal in some people’s perception. The same teacher told me that I am too pure, sensitive and I show my emotions too much. I wondered when in her life she had lost her sensitivity, had closed her heart and became disconnected from her feelings. When your heart is open, and you feel so much love radiating and flowing out of your center it is nearly impossible I believe to physically inflict pain on someone intentionally.

Challenges I've Encountered:

1.) Corporeal punishment in school...hitting children with bamboo sticks. Using fear and intimidation to keep students passive. Breaking the human spirit. Forcing compliance. Witnessing violence, and experiencing the pain being inflicted on these young people just by watching this happen, and not being able to do that much about it. What am I meant to learn from this experience? Standing in my truth, and being unyielding in my embodiment of peace, love, gentleness and nonviolence. I’ve also reminded myself that everyone is always doing the best they can with what they know (including myself).

2.) Solitude. Isolation. Disconnection.

3.) There is something about Korean society that I find disturbing. And I'm not surprised that Korea has one of the highest suicide rates in the world, along with the amount of plastic surgery operations. The main reason for people killing themselves is "psychological despair".

4.) Superficiality. Lacking heartfulness. So much disconnection from the heart + soul. Separation.

5.) Teaching classes to students that are "dead". Like zombies, they do not smile, they do not talk, they have no light in their eyes and are completely exhausted. There is no life present in their eyes, and when I ask them if they are happy, they respond, "No". They are exhausted from studying ALL day until 11pm or later. Everyday, and no time for extracurricular activities and playing. How can anyone live like this? Their life does not consist of any play, fun, sports or social time. I see the way this education system is breaking them and molding them to fit the system.

What's Sustained Me the Past 7 Months:

1.) My studies in Transpersonal Psychology. 

2.) Putting all my energy, time and focus into my creative project of birthing, designing and creating my official website.

3.) Zen temple visits every month. Peace, stillness, connection & beauty. 

4.) Going to an Oriental Medicine clinic every week and receiving acupuncture, moxibustion, and MET. Learning about Korean medicine and ways to heal the body.

5.) Skyping with family + friends + my Mastermind.

6.) Knowing that I am accomplishing 3 things with being here in Korea: Finishing my studies, creating a life coaching business and teaching while making a difference in these students lives by showing them a different way of being + living.

7.) Being coached and receiving 18 hours of coaching in order to meet my coaching requirements to become a certified life coach. In addition, I had 3 sessions with a Mentor Coach in Tofino, Canada who has her Ph.D in Psychology and coached me on my coaching in working with clients.

I think one of the main realizations I've had from this experience is how much my own consciousness has transformed the past 2 years from doing this program; transformative education, in addition to my experience in India and all my travels the past 5 years. I can see a difference in consciousness on the planet now more clearly than before. How would I be able to see how much I've changed and transformed if I was not living in an environment that was the polar opposite of what I am? Through my current environment I can see how much I've grown and expanded through the contrast.

I think that what we each are in essence is the most transformative catalyst for transformation. It's what we choose to be and how we choose to act. It's our energy, and what we are that affects other people and the world at large. 

The questions I have to ask myself in this experience in Korea is:
-Will I allow this experience to open me or close me?
-Can I keep my heart fully open wide when witnessing violence?
-How can I stretch my capacity for compassion?
-What is my purpose in witnessing violence in my environment? What is the gift and lesson?

I see so many unhappy people at the school I teach at every day. Many times I don't think that people realize that they are actually unhappy because this way of experiencing life has become their set-point as their normal way of being in life. There is so much "unhappiness" permeating the planet. So much violence in the human mind. So many people who do not experience joy and do not feel good. I ask myself, why am I happy? I'm happy because I am alive. I have a life. I have the gift of existence. For me, just to be alive is more than a reason to feel happy. Everything is so impermanent, and this life will not last forever, even when our being is eternal. Therefore, I am grateful to be alive while I am alive, and even when I've felt fed up with my experience in Korea at times, I know that there is gold to be transmuted from this experience. Everything has always happened perfectly in my life, and I know this experience is no exception. There is learning and wisdom to be gained...the greater the pressure, the brighter the diamond. And as my Parisian friend told me, like an ocean with waves...the stronger the wave retracts, the more powerfully it is compelled forward.

With regards to expanding my awareness of the human condition, I believe that there is no greater shift that needs to happen on our planet than the awakening of the heart. It is only through the heart that we feel joy, love, compassion, appreciation, passion, oneness and connection to others and the Earth. The intellectual mind is limited in its capacities, yet I feel that the heart is unlimited in its capacities. The intellectual mind serves its purpose, yet the problem I feel is that too many people are living only from their minds and their heart center has not yet fully flowered.

The flowering of the heart, is the flowering of the next stage of human consciousness I intuit, in order for a major shift to occur on this planet. 

"In order to converse with the wild feminine, a woman must temporarily leave the world and inhabit a state of aloneness in the oldest sense of the word. Long ago the word alone was treated as two words, all one. To be all one, meant to be wholly one, to be in oneness, either essentially or temporarily. That is precisely the goal of solitude, to be all one." -Clarissa Pinkola Estes

If there is one word to capture my year in Korea it is precisely this: Solitude. Being completely alone has been a process of transformation in being --ALL ONE-- within myself. Strong in my truth. Clear in my vision. Wholesome and rooted firmly within myself like never before.

"Alone time is when I distance myself from the voices of the world so I can hear my own."                                              -Oprah

Next week my friend Jackie from Malaysia (who I met in India last year and was my roommate at Oneness University) will come to Korea to visit me. She's bringing her friend. Do you know the Malaysian airline flight MH370 that disappeared in the sky from Malaysia to China recently that has been all over the news? The girl who is coming with Jackie to Korea was supposed to be on that flight. At the last minute, Jackie asked her if she wanted to visit her friend Nicole living in South Korea, since perhaps I could help her with some things in her life...with my background in psychology and life coaching. The girl cancelled her seat on that flight to China, and is now alive because of choosing to come to Korea with Jackie to visit me. Amazing. Yet, this girl’s best friend and husband was on that flight to China.We are all connected in ways we cannot see and always comprehend...

Nicole ♥ 

...The picture below is me rooting myself deeply within myself like a tree...while growing and stretching through adversity, challenges and life experiences...the light is indestructible...and everything always makes us more...everything we experience serves us in some way...and life is always giving us the experiences we need to facilitate our highest growth and evolution into our fullest capacity...

Something Extraordinary

A few weeks ago something truly extraordinary happened.

My friend and former coteacher from Japan was visiting me in Korea for the 4 day holiday that happened here for Buddha’s Birthday. Mariko was really interested in having a true Zen experience while visiting me in Korea, and I planned for her to have a temple stay experience. As we were travelling to this isolated temple situated in the mountains, I told her that every time I have gone to this temple I have always met such interesting people and made good connections.

When we arrived at the temple, it was the busiest it’s ever been, with so many people staying there for the holiday that there was no more rooms left, and we ended up staying where the volunteers who live at the temple sleep, which is right under the mountain closer to where the monks living quarters are. Mariko attended the temple orientation, and I had planned to rest for a little bit sitting on the wooden veranda outside our room listening to the birds sing. My roommate who was also volunteering at the temple, told me that I should go to the main office. I didn't feel like going to the office right away since we had just arrived at the temple after a two hour bus ride and I wanted some time to just “be”. I told her that I would come 5 minutes later.

As I sat outside my room and was listening to the birds sing, absorbing the peaceful energy, and just enjoying the tranquil atmosphere as I meditated, five minutes past and I still did not feel like going to the main office. My mind was saying something like this: “Nicole you have to go to the office now, you promised you would go there after 5 minutes. You have the obligation to keep your promise and maybe you might get in some trouble if you don’t go right away. They will wonder what you are doing, and why you have not gone. Go! Go! Go!”. My mind felt fear in waiting any longer to do what I had said I would. My mind also felt the obligation to keep my promise, and my mind was experiencing conflict. In contrast, what I was experiencing and feeling was something entirely different. My entire feeling was stillness and being. What does that mean? It meant that I felt pure presence…a state where I am able to mediate easily with no thoughts usually. It’s a subtle feeling I felt all around the top of my head…this energy or presence that was telling me to stay seated where I am, even when my mind was in conflict about getting up and leaving. The presence around me was so strong that it kept me sitting there and I physically did not feel like getting up or moving. Therefore, I remained sitting there with my eyes closed with this strong feeling of needing to stay where I was, and trusting this feeling of just sitting still even if my mind did not agree. Eventually my mind became silent and I just sat there on the veranda outside my room, breathing in the fresh mountain air, feeling the moistness in the air as it started to rain and just being at peace. I think I sat there for maybe a half an hour.

Then I heard the door open in the room beside me and opened my eyes to see a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes come out and she was putting her shoes on. I asked her where she was from, and she said Canada. She had been teaching in Seoul and has just started a new job teaching at a University. I was curious how she got the job teaching at the university level, as it’s something I would be interested in doing. She told me that she has a master’s degree in a field completely unrelated to English, but helped her secure this teaching position. I asked her what her masters was in, and she said “transpersonal psychology”. When she said that, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest because I was so surprised and in awe! I have never in all my travels the past 2 years met anyone who has studied the same thing as me, let alone known what the field of transpersonal psychology entails (the exception being a Japanese couple I met while in Ishigaki Island earlier this year, which deserves it's own blog post on its own!). It’s very, very rare. I told her I also was finishing my studies in transpersonal psychology. When I asked her where she studied, she said her university was in California. It turns out that we went to the same school, through the same global program! She graduated in 2010 and here I was about to graduate one month later in 2014. Then as I was looking at her, my intuition compelled me to ask her if she had ever lived in Tokyo before. She said yes. Then I asked her if her name was Erin. She said yes; surprised I knew.

My mind traveled back to 3 years ago when I was living in Japan teaching English on the JET Programme (Japan Exchange and Teaching Programme). At the time I had so much free time in my teaching job that I spent a lot of time researching masters programs. Every day I was seeking for a master’s program that I really would love to do, not just something to study for the sake of getting a masters degree. One day I came across an article posted on the Yasodhara Ashram website (located in British Columbia, Canada) about a girl who had written about her experience staying at this beautiful ashram after living in Tokyo for a few years. She wrote about her time teaching and doing her masters in transpersonal psychology while living in Tokyo through a global program. I was curious what transpersonal psychology was, as I had never heard of this field of psychology before. I ended up writing this girl an email and getting in touch with her to find out where she studied and how she liked the program. We exchanged a couple emails and she had only positive things to say about her experience in this masters program.

It was because of this girl that I found my path in studying something I love and have always been passionate about. Until that point of time, I did not know it was possible to study academically psychology, spirituality and consciousness in an actual university setting; let alone have the opportunity to get a degree in this field. Connecting with her through the internet opened my life to a new path that was not visible before.

Now, three years later here we are sitting in front of each other at this rural, isolated Zen temple in the mountains (both there at the same time, rooms side by side out of the thousands of temples in Korea with hundreds of them offering temple stay programs), both living in Korea (whereas before I was living in Japan and she was back in Canada) and I got to meet the person who connected me to my masters program, my university and the field of transpersonal psychology! It was one of those moments in my life where I was beyond amazed, and completely in awe of the perfection of life. Divine grace. This experience was 1000% proof to me that if we are meant to meet certain people in our lifetime, a way will be made and the Universe will make it happen. This was an extraordinary synchronicity, and one of the most powerful affirmations that there is a divine intelligence that is always guiding us on our path and connecting us with the people we are meant to meet.

Some of my other realizations and learning from this experience:

1.)   Had I listened to my mind, and out of obligation gone to the office like I told my roommate I would (out of fear), I would not have met Erin and perhaps I never would have had the chance to have a conversation with her.

2.)   I realized the importance in doing what you FEEL like doing, not always what you think you should do.

3.)   Being in a state of inner stillness, allowed for me to connect to the feeling of presence around me that subtly told me that I should remain seated and not get up, even when my rational logical mind did not understand why I felt I had to stay still. If I was only in my mind, I would not have been able to feel this subtle feeling that was telling me to continue to meditate and this physical feeling of energy pulsating all around my head (crown chakra). The crown chakra's symbol is the thousand petal lotus in both Hindu and Buddhist yogic tradition. This center of our body is associated with enlightenment, divine guidance, higher self, knowing, life force energy, Oneness with the universe, spirituality and wisdom. 

4.)   It’s incredible how life works through us and is always conspiring on our behalf.

5.)   If you are meant to meet someone, regardless of the chances of it happening, if it’s meant to happen, it will happen.

The chance of us meeting at the temple is amazing because we both chose to visit the temple at the same time (with her friend inviting her at the last minute to go with him to the temple, and her saying yes even when she had a couple different options of what she could do that weekend), her room was beside my room (there are many rooms at this temple) and I chose to listen to that subtle nudge that told me to stay where I was.

This type of extraordinary synchronicity has happened only 2 other times in my life, once in Japan and once in India with meeting someone who I never thought I would meet in person.

As Dan Millman said in the Way of the Peaceful Warrior, “Life is not a private affair. A story and its lessons are only made useful if shared.”

I hope in me sharing this experience, that it could provide a confirmation to us all that there is an intelligent life force at work in our lives, and we are always being guided to the places we need to go and in meeting the people we are meant to connect with, even when we don’t know it at the time. Always listen to your inner knowing. Always listen to the subtle feeling that whispers to you, and remember that the mind serves a purpose in our lives, yet there has to be discernment between the voice in our heads (which is usually loud) and the subtle voice within that gently communicates to us if we have the stillness within to hear it.

With love always,

Nicole ♥ 

What My Mom Taught Me

With Mother’s Day being last Sunday, I was recently thinking about some of the best things that my mom taught me growing up. I haven’t had the chance to write on my blog the things I have wanted to express recently, since I’ve been working on my final 20 page Transpersonal Integration Thesis Paper. I will be graduating next month with my Master’s of Arts in Transpersonal Psychology. After two years of studying in sixteen countries, I am SO excited to almost be done! ^.^

The 5 most important things my mom taught me directly:

1.)   Trust yourself.

2.)   Listen to your intuition. =It’s always right.

3.)  You can be anything you want in life.

4.)   Your body is your sacred temple.                                         Honor it.

5.)   I am strong, beautiful, smart, athletic, healthy and capable of doing anything I want. She always complimented me growing up, and affirmed my intrinsic worth which has contributed to my solid self esteem and confidence to go out into the world and make my dreams come true.

The things she taught me indirectly just from being what she is:

1.) Be Passionate.

2.) Love of life…living from the heart.

3.) Open heart.

4.) Humanistic values. Nobody is higher or lower than me, everyone has the same value and worth. She often told me that the same life spark that lives in me, lives in all humans.

5.) Living fearlessly. Being bold.

6.) Generosity…giving, giving, giving.

7.) Being a person who radiates warmth.

8.) Empathy.

9.) She introduced me to spirituality and personal development. Growing up she often did Tibetan Reiki on me, taught me about the chakra’s in my body, how to heal myself, work with energy and to have an open third eye. My mother has always had strong intuitive gifts. 

My mom is the kind of person who loves ALL people. She has a heart of gold, and is one of the most warmest, loving and open hearted people I know. Growing up I always thought my mom was so beautiful, and she reminded me of a movie star. Yet, even with being so beautiful she was always so down to earth, relatable and I don’t think she even thought about “being beautiful”. Same is still true today. Indirectly she showed me that it was much more important what was inside of you, then how you looked on the outside. 

My mother was my best friend growing up. 

Szeretlek anya. ♥